Saturday, April 3, 2010

Story of Hope and Restoration--Part 65

A pastor friend called to encourage me NOT to move.  She had reservations, thinking Josh was making me move.  I did not want to be blinded by my desire to move, so I asked her to continue to pray and let me know.  Praying for God to shut doors that needed to be shut became a matter of priority.  Confirmation to move started coming from more and more directions. As long as Josh wasn't pushing me to move and get me all alone, people became more calm. 

Hurts from Josh did still continue, despite making leaps and bounds.  Josh told me that anything the other woman told me was a lie because she wanted me to feel better.  They were a cute couple, and that it didn't matter what she said.  They were good for each other.  He got mad when I walked away.  How could I not walk away?  I didn't want to get angry, so he discussed with me about my bad attitude.  He told me it was hard to find something to compliment me for, and that she was wonderful enough to leave us for.  Yikes!! Would it ever stop? 

The other woman could not believe that Josh did not make me feel like the most amazing person in the world, since he did with her?  Well, no, Josh made me feel ugly, unappreciated, forgettable, useless, and sad, and unworthy.  It's a good thing I know God, because I could not have done it without him.  The lies of Satan can only be deafened by the truths of God. 

Josh decided to read Wild at Heart, and he asked if I would please read it so that I would understand him better.  Of course, I did.  But would he read Captivating to understand me better?  How did he think I felt to always feel neglected?  He didn't want to know me. 

Josh wasn't feeling any remorse, in my opinion. He said everything was fine for him.  He didn't care about the PD job; it was no big deal that he didn't get it.  (they didn't accept him because of the issues with his past, showing a lack of his present situation)  Not playing the keyboard at our annual Christmas program was not hard at all.  What has been hard?  If none of his sin had any consequences that were hard, then what would make him not do it again?