Thursday, February 11, 2010

Story of Hope and Restoration--Part 10

Many things happened through the course of Josh being gone that never made any sense to any of us, including him wanting to come hang out with family on Labor Day. Of course, he was with "her" before he came to spend time at his parents. On top of the fact that he spent a majority of the day texting "her."  

Josh spent many years lying and deceiving me. I had no idea. He played the part of family man and husband very well.  After I caught him the first time he went out and got a second phone; he just paid the bill when he got money. He would hide money to fund his "fun!"

Once he left, I got a call from him saying he really wanted to get together with me to tell me the whole truth. We sat at the park for at least 3 hours discussing everything that had gone on for the last 8 years of our marriage. He told me way more things than any wife should ever have to hear come out of her husband's mouth.  To this day I choose to not think of those things, although, on a bad day it creeps up. 

On Labor day, especially, it hurt.  Watching him text the whole time, then excuse himself for the evening. Wasn't he supposed to go home with us?  Anyway, I had the "other woman's"  cell phone so I texted her to lay off.  She got very bold with me and told me that she was going to call the cops on me if anyone in my family ever set foot in her neighborhood again.  I text her back and said. "Well, MY HUSBAND is on his way!"  She was furious.  I was actually very proud of myself.  At this point I was so worried about Josh though. I knew we had ruined his evening, because he called me to yell at me. He said to stay out of his life.  Of course, I wanted to scream.  Mom, Daja, and I drove all over town looking for him. We drove by every bar we could think of...he was no where to be found.  Although, he had said that he no longer had a relaltionship with her I knew better in my spirit.  I had no proof.  Josh said he was drinking; you see, this was the first time Josh had EVER had an alcoholic beverage.  I made sure he knew that if he needed a ride I would pick him up.  Later, I found out that it WAS all a lie....he WAS at her house. 

Josh told everyone he was getting a divorce. The woman he was with was also getting one, so they both excused their behavior as "comforting one another!"  The lies we tell ourselves are ridiculous.  BUT at this point I knew that it no longer mattered WHO; it only mattered that Josh's soul was LOST.

If Josh would find God, then I would have Josh. Plain and simple!

Josh took off work and went out of town with "her!"  He had a whole lie worked up about a baseball game, tickets for free, etc.  Why the lies?  It's not like I didn't know he was being horrible??  To be honest, those were the times I just knew that Josh's heart was not entirely "gone!"

He made sure to call the children and he blessed them with a blessing of them fulfilling God's plans for their life!! He was not totally lost, but he was blind and deaf. 

September 17th, 2009, a fast was called specifically for Josh.  We fasted from 6 am-8pm.  I have lists of the people who participated; it was amazing to see my family and friends join with me on behalf of my husband's soul. 

That same time I had to go into my doctor's office to be checked for STD's.  I cried. Why should I have to be tested? This was NEVER part of the plan!  I wasn't ever bad. My first kiss was to this man; why would I have to be checked for STDs?   I was in shame.

Daja e-mailed me, THAT was another undoing......