Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Story of Hope and Restoration--Part 16

I struggled with wanting to hear Josh's voice, wanting to touch him, just be near him. You see, since I asked God to keep my heart soft.....it was!  I missed him terribly.  Every so often the Lord would lead me to give him a hug and tell him I loved him.  Wow, was God working on me! Love him?  Yes, I gave my heart to this man.  I let him know that no matter what condition he was in; he could come home. When he "stopped" by the house to say, "HI!" I always knew the next day would be worse. 

Why did he stop?  Well, he had to stay connected in some way.  Do I think he told the other woman? No!  Here's the fact....we were ONE FLESH!......LET NO MAN PUT ASUNDER.  We can try all we want, but it's not going to tear nicely.  Josh couldn't separate as easily as he would like.  AND I also knew that "greater is He that is in me, than ANYTHING (anyone) in the world!"  I had something nobody else could match. He was MY HUSBAND, and I had God on my side!!

The baby's birth was so close; I had to go to appointments without Josh. AND he never called. It was so hard.  I knew that if I was strong on my own that I would quickly be bitter.  The strength people saw was ONLY GOD, and He kept my heart soft.  I chose the baby's name, as I could not deal with the name Solomon. (the name Josh had picked)   Levi Joseph would be the baby's name.  Levi was the priest, the go between for man and God. Joseph for all of God's promises that seemed so unlikely.  Joseph never knew when he would receive his promises.  Only seconds before...and he still had no idea. I knew that God would make this happen SUDDENLY.  NOTHING around me was going to dictate when it would happen.  Levi Joseph means "a union supported by Jehovah."  I would HAVE this one day.

As my desire for my husband grew I still had to make sure my heart was in the right place; I could leave no doors open for the enemy.  I wore my wedding ring.  Josh may not have wanted to be married, but I was married. Plain and simple!  

Doing things without Josh was still so hard, even after two months. BUT God always had something planned to encourage me. Words from people, neon signs (one said, "coming back to Him"), or billboards speaking of marriage restoration. 

The kids weren't moping around as much, but every so often you could tell they were thinking of things.  Abishai said that when Daddy stopped running from God he wanted Daddy to carry him to bed, and when he got up in the middle of the night he wanted Daddy to give him a banana.  They finally were getting WHEN...they KNEW he was going to come home!! AND they had plans for him!  Jael wanted him to take off a Tuesday? (I have no idea why a TUESDAY!)  BUT they were planning for him.  It would be a celebration.