Monday, February 15, 2010

Story of Hope and Restoration--Part 15

Almost 2 months since he had been gone. It seemed like God would continually ask me to do things that made no sense. For instance, inviting Josh to eat with us at Chili's for dinner.  I had finally given him over to God, no longer did I feel the urge to convince him to come home.  The Holy Spirit was going to fight that battle for me.  As I focused on God the daily things became easier and easier.  I missed my best friend, but I was encouraged by how well I was dealing with things. 

Luke 1:45 And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord. 

My soul magnified the Lord!!! No matter how dead my marriage may look God loves restoration, and he hates divorce.  My worship was going to set captives FREE, and I was ready for Josh to be set free.  God heals hurting marriages, and he sides with the covenant.  I knew if I stuck with what God would happen. I could only fail if I gave up! 

As time went on Jael got even more fiesty. It seemed as I learned to keep my mouth shut she became God's mouthpiece. She would tell Josh he needed to stop running from God or he was going to be unhappy. I continually reminded her that God was the only one who could change Daddy's heart, so to pray!
Abishai was getting better, and he learned to be my warrior. Ezekiel grew up fast, and they both would chant, "Fight, Fight, Fight!"  Fists to the sky.....they were not giving up the fight.  He would tell you he was part of Mommy's army, and he fights the devil. 

They often talked about Daddy and him tucking them in, playing with them, and talking to him whenever they wanted.  I was happy to allow them to express things out loud; it seemed to help them work through it. BUT I always brought it back to the fact that Daddy WAS going to come home.  We had to wait on God. 

As God worked on me he helped change my heart and attitude. All of the wedding pictures were put back up, everything got put back where it should be. If Josh was coming home the house needed to be ready for him to come home.  My actions had to reflect my heart's desire.  I was ready. 

Dad would get so frustrated with how long it was taking. I was getting better the longer it took, because I felt like it just gave God more time to fix Josh.  The Holy Spirit was moving on my behalf. AND I knew that outward circumstances did NOT reflect what was going to happen SUDDENLY.