Thursday, February 18, 2010

Story of Hope and Restoration--Part 17

Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to!!!  My confidence in God grew by leaps and bounds each day. When Josh came to pick up the kids for a dinner date I would anoint his truck with oil and pray over it and speak LIGHT into the dark places. God was amazing. I could hold the kids when they were crying and speak without doubt that Josh WAS coming home. I didn't know WHEN, but I knew he was!!!  God reminded me of Mark 9:24.

Josh thought that he could be the same Daddy as he was when he was at home, but he quickly learned that it wasn't possible. He could not be at every appointment, since a lot of our things were at church it made it all the more difficult for him.  As time passed Josh's heart grew colder and colder towards God.  I grew more on fire than ever before.  I had to watch that I didn't become a head stander but a heart stander.  My thoughts were a constant battle for me, always wondering what Josh was doing.  He frequently called to chat with me (yeah, I don't get it either).  He applied for the Paso PD, and he considered CHP.  I checked my spirit, that was HARD.  He would just MOVE away from us?  Yikes!!  I welcomed our conversations although it never made any sense. 

Josh came to our house for dinner; he noticed the pictures back on the wall. I prayed that when he was at home he had a peace that passed all understanding.  When the pendulum would swing home he would ask me things like what the baby's name was going to be, how I was doing, that he was writing the baby's dedication song, etc.  What?  Yeah, you think about it!

Time brought firsts that I never thought I would experience.....going to the movies alone, parades without help.  Listening to Josh talk about all of his excuses for his behavior started to just hit a deaf ear.  It was all lies.  I was the complete opposite of the life he was pursuing.  My mind often wandered to "what ifs" so I had to keep it in check.   

Josh frequently made appearances at places he was not welcome to be at, but it didn't stop him.  I never did understand that.  My stand to reconcile did not waver, but that never meant I didn't want to move away. I sometimes wanted to run away! I reminded myself that I was a good wife and no other woman was REALLY gonna compare to me. I was TOUGH competition!

God used countless people to bless me with money, too!  God always took care of me!

Jael was my little prophet. She told Josh that he had to keep fighting the devil; it's like knocking and knocking no matter how tired you are.  She wants him to fight.

I continued to stand in the gap for Josh's soul, and I even managed to pray for the other woman! Wow, was God using me!


Persuaded said...

I came on here to catch up with your story and all I can say is: Bless your heart honey.... I'm praying for you and your sweet family and I can't wait to hear the rest of your story. You are an inspiration♥