Sunday, February 21, 2010

Story of Hope and Restoration--Part 20

On October 1st, I revealed to Josh what I meant about standing for my marriage. I revealed to him that it meant forever and always. It meant I was NEVER going to give up. It meant even if he divorced me I was still married to him. It meant.....yes, it meant, EVEN IF YOU GET RE-MARRIED...I am still your wife.  I would be waiting FOREVER.  Wow, had God changed what I REALLY believed.  I know he was surprised. He had been so hateful, and I still wasn't giving up? 

"Your ways are not my ways!"  I knew that I could not give up....I could not bring Josh home but God could guide my through what needed to be done.  I had to lay my will at his feet, and I had to allow God to transform me in His presence.  (most often daily) I had to focus on growing in God and realizing that I would never be done. It was a journey. 

One night I had a dream about my marriage restoration, and it included several other couples, who I don't know.  It included one couple I did know. God is SO amazing. Reading over my journals I had NO recollection of this dream, and the couple I do know HAS been going through it.  I would not at all be surprised if I haven't met the others. God is amazing!!

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit. 
God continually blessed me with dreams and Scriptures to keep me secure in knowing that I was on the right path. He was the best of friends.

I also had to come to terms with people feeling that I was a doormat.  You, see, not EVERYONE agreed with my stand. Yes, even Christians.  (I do wonder how they feel now?) 

Sometimes I did feel like a doormat, but for the sake of Josh's soul it seemed worth it.  Wasn't Christ treated the same way?  I was trying to be Christ-like.  I did have boundries, but I was showing unconditional love. I was secure in who I was, in Christ.   I have treated God so much worse, when He deserved the best. How do you learn to turn the other cheek, if you never get slapped?   Don't get me wrong, I don't think I deserved to be treated this way. BUT I have to look at the fact that Christ never deserved ANY of the wrong that he received.