Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Story of Hope and Restoration--Part 22

The day after my fast we had Josh over for dinner. The kids absolutely loved it.  I always used the time to pray over him.  He was so deceived and stubborn.  It was always one more day, one more weekend, one more party, one more bar, one more strip club, and one more woman.  None of this was going to satisfy.  I worried about how much he gambled on one more time.

That night was such an odd night, and I remember calling my mom to tell her that Josh decided to play the piano. He was playing worship songs?  He says he hates God? How do you play songs that mean only one thing? I prayed his spirit would hear those words. That dead parts would be made alive.

When he asked about the baby's dedication....how do you plan to be at your baby's dedication and yet WHO is he being dedicated, too?  My heart hurt.  I could not, would not, allow him to be a part of the baby's dedication. It seemed like a mockery, but I dreaded the time that I might have to tell him.

The children being more vocal about their feelings actually made me feel better, so even though many of the things they said made me cry...I was so happy.  Abishai wasn't hiding under the table anymore, but he was talking it through.   He often talked about things we USED to do as a family.

Being almost done with pregnancy I really hoped that my tears would not be so continual. I could barely hold a conversation with family without crying. 

BUT it certainly made the pain deep and the fight stronger. The potential and plan God has for our children is really SO great--the lessons they are learning, so early, are HUGE. Satan really was overplaying his hand. He thought he was ruining the plan on their life. My children WILL benefit. This may not be good, but I would see the good come out of it.