Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Story of Hope and Restoration--Part 23

Josh wanted to take the kids out to eat at a local restaurant. It was very hard to not go, but I just could not!  I needed Josh to see that things were not the same.  They just weren't.  He invited me to go. He wanted all of it. I couldn't be a part of "all of it!"  I will be here for him, but he has to see that it's not the same. He called to ask if I needed anything, and he wanted to know if I worked out how much more money I needed for after the baby was born.  My heart just HURT.  It felt like a stab. 

These were the days when Josh's dad would have such a horrible time, I tryed to encourage him not to focus on Josh, not to focus on what Josh had become.  Focus on the fact that we fight not against flesh and blood. And the I believe Josh hates who he has become. Dad feels like a horrible parent; how could he raise a son that could cause such horrible pain.  I would encourage him that he raised a wonderful son that has potential and yet allowed Satan to control him.  Josh's pride has blinded him to Satan's attack on the man of God.  Josh is not LOST forever; we have to stay the course.  Satan wants to destroy destiny.

Josh and the kids brought me candy bars from the store. (so cute)  And when he left they told me all about their evening. I am not sure how pleasant it was with Jael talking to Josh about how Daddy had given up fighting the devil.  Josh replied he was just too tired.  She told him that we never give up fighting, no matter how tired. She was thrilled to hear him say he was sad about not being with her. 

I was supposed to have a c-section the next day, but I canceled it.  I was counting on God's timing in every area of my life. WHY would I allow a doctor to tell me when I would have my baby?


Tamera - aka TJ said...

Just wanted to encourage you. You are doing a good job with your story. I can totally empathize with you in so many areas (loneliness, hurt, faith, hope, anger, softening of the heart...). Keep writing! It is going to help so many others and encourage them in their battles. Satan IS defeated, and God IS greater!