Saturday, February 20, 2010

Story of Hope and Restoration--Part 18

Is it getting too long and drawn out for you? It's can come back next month. I will write something that only has "CHEERY" parts in it!

I can't tell you how many times I said, "God's mercies are new every morning!"  I found myself really needing to watch my temper towards my kids. I watched it so carefully with Josh and then I wouldn't with the only ones that were still sticking by me.  I prayed grace over their little spirits. I repented for my attitude.  They seemed so disobedient. I am sure it was hard having everything ripped out from under you.

Daddy played a good divorced Dad.  When he took them out they got whatever they wanted.  This wasn't the daddy they knew??  I had to watch that I wasn't angry about the fact that I only got $100 a week to take care of everything we needed: groceries, paper products, pet food, and toiletries.  There was no extra money for "fun stuff."  Now, to clarify Josh DID tell me I could ask him for more, but I was going to show him that we could DO IT!

I still had my boundries, although God seemed to continue softening my heart. I made sure that our house was a safe zone. I had prayers taped all over my bathroom walls, and I didn't want him knowing what I was doing.  He needed to face God on his own.  I didn't want to lead him towards God or stand in his way.  He was very upset that he wasn't allowed in the house. It goes back to my believing that the Holy Spirit was calling him home, whether he liked it or not.

God continually softened and changed my heart more than I could have ever dreamed. I originally thought that Josh had given up his family he was going to feel some pain.  I wasn't going to allow him to be in the surgery room for Levi's delivery. I was going to make him see what he gave up and ALWAYS feel it.  BUT for restoration sake how could I?  How could I not stick with believing that someday he would come home. How could I make a decision that would leave Levi feeling left out, like Daddy wasn't there?  The kids might not remember, but it wouldn't be the same.  I needed to show him unconditional love. And THAT love would never push him away?  Yikes!!  Decision, decisions!!


Mrs. and Mama K said...

keep it coming...i look forward to seeing more! btw i passed on your site to a friend who's friend are going through what you guys did. hopefully this will encourage her!