God promised Josh a "way of escape," but he had no intention of taking it. In fact, he whined all the more about how God never helped him. Josh felt God owed him a magic fix. If he was going to be a pastor for 7 years, then God owed him an easy answer? Didn't know what else to say...other than....nope, doesn't work that way.
He complained about having to get married so young. He never had a chance to "sow his oats!" Hmmm, who was youngest? Oh, yeah, that was ME! I gave him EVERYTHING. I went to the movies for the first time without my mother, AFTER we were married. I got married out of home-school! Anyway, keeping it in check! Watching my sarcasm. See, I told you; I was NOT perfect.
I tried not to think of the details of Josh's infidelity. I tried not to get judgmental. It just never seemed that he even TRIED for my sake? He didn't want help badly enough and he still doesn't. He never shared his struggles with anyone, even when they asked. Fine, he didn't care about himself. Why didn't he care enough about the kids and me?
To lie to yourself and believe these women really cared was foolish. In the face of horrible circumstances, such as this, God STILL has Josh's best interests. Now, that's love! With his attitude as it was I knew I had made a decision he could come home, but he was still so angry and unrepentant. He was bitter!
Josh was a little boy who really wanted love and support, but he was using sex and alcohol to cover it up. He may have thought he was getting what he wanted. Satan made sure he remembered ever little hurt from childhood. Most children would die to receive the love and care that Josh received. BUT he didn't see it that way. Josh was always trying to convince me that his "woman" was the best thing that ever happened to him. She was the only one who cared, and that she wanted him to pursue his dreams. None of us ever let him do what he wanted. He told me I should be happy for him. (can you say, sick?)
Satan had taken him captive, but the Lord says he is loosing the captives. Josh went willingly, but PRODIGALS DO COME HOME!
3 years ago
2 comments:
I have been reading your blog, and as I read I cry and pray that God is using your story of hope and restoration to help others. You are quite a lady, and I know God has performed a miracle by you holding on, and still loving, even though you were being crushed. I also admire your husband for letting you share the hurts and sorrows. That takes alot of love, and repentance on his part. May God bless you both richly and make your healing and strong marriage last until Jesus returns, and be a testimony to others.
I can only pray the same thing! Thank you for reading our story, and I agree on the courage it takes to allow me to share this.
It's not a problem to share this link with anyone you would like, so that it can be spread that God heals hurting marriages!
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