Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Story of Hope and Restoration--Part 48

The background investigator had conducted his last interview with Josh, and so, Josh called me. He talked and talked. He wanted me to know all about the red flags they had for him.  he said they weren't concerned about his living situation.  He gave me more forms to fill out.  It was so hard for me, but I was asked to talk about who he was. I didn't know what to write.  I could not say he had integrity.  Do I believe he wants to...yes!  Do I believe he can...yes!  Does a man make mistakes and sin....yes? BUT integrity means you have to be willing to own up to those mistakes and FIX them.  He is, at the moment, not willing to fix anything.  What do I do?

Josh admitted to me that his relationship is a mistake and wrong, but he doesn't want to change it. How do you live life like that? You know your not okay.  He mentioned having a dream about me finding things "out!"  What ELSE was I going to find out?  I was a tad bit nervous, but I couldn't imagine being any more shocked?  BUT it was something that scared HIM?  It's probably the part of him that wants things to be right in his life, but he doesn't want to make the choice.  Right now he is unwilling to do the work necessary.  He says he is "Daring God!"  OOOO, was I ever scared for him! 

NewHope4Josh came into his life about 3 weeks prior to this, and it was really messing with him.  He asked me who it was that was texting him. Well, I had no idea, really! I told him so. He asked if I would figure it out.  I tried, and I failed the FIRST time.  I told him I didn't know. 

Of course, I was very curious to find out who was texting my husband Scripture.  I finally figured it out, but by this time he wasn't asking me WHO it was, since I said I didn't know.  I didn't tell Josh's parents WHO it was, to keep the identity secret.  No way to lie, if you don't know.  As time went on we all figured out who, except for Josh. 

Sometimes it REALLY bothered him, and at other times I think it was exactly what he  longed for......someone to NOT give up. 

I prayed against divorce. It was over 3 months, and it felt like things were scary close to turning.  I refused to allow Satan a door into my family. He would not attack the lefact of marriage that I wanted to pass down.  Lord, you hate divorce, and I hate divorce. You said, "anything" I ask in Your name believing.........