Friday, March 5, 2010

Story of Hope and Restoration-Part 33

Proverbs 23:17 Let not thine heart envy sinners: but be thou in the fear of the Lord all the day long.  Reveal to Josh a renewed fear and reverance of the Lord.  Reveal to him his errors, and take him out of darkness.  When he chooses to serve You with his whole heart and walks and worlds out his love for You--may he receive the desires of his heart. Help him to realize that promises from You have conditions and that unless he is willing to meet them--You are just and unable to meet his requests.

Every day that Josh spent at the house was more and more difficult for the children. Of course, he left during the day to go to lunch.  AND then he came back?  I am amazed that I stayed so calm.  The kids missed him so much, each day he left they would watch him leave and then run to our bedroom window and watch until they couldn't see his car anymore. 

Some days he barely spoke to him; he just sat on the couch.  We pretty much just stared at each other.  He was so hateful and wicked. He was so offended by how others treated him, yet he didn't care about how he treated people. 

When he was gone for the afternoon I decided to start praying death to his relationship.  I spoke life into her marriage, and her children. Her children needed their father as much as mine needed theirs.  Satan could not work in her life, and I prayed a release of the Holy Spirit into her life.  May the seeds of Christ be watered, and her eyes opened. 

I had to ask Grandma to come over to the house and check out a big bruise I had from my surgery. I was a bit concerned that I had done too much. Just because Josh was at the house for a few hours a day did not mean he did everything.  I didn't know how to have him around, helping me?  I was getting up numerous times in the middle of the night; I needed help.  BUT I was still so uneasy to ask for it, especially from Josh.  I was bleeding a lot, too! I then had a bloody nose!  Was I just exhausted?  I never did go get checked out, but I seemed to be okay. 

Josh spent a lot of time on the phone that week, which was so uncomfortable. He really had NO feelings about how he made me feel. He was cold, and I had to seek God's face.  I wanted God's timing on this whole thing, but I did wish His timing WAS my timing. 

The conversations we had were not what I expected, but I just asked God to tell me what to do. Most of the time that meant I listened. Josh shared with me how fun the night life was, and that friends in the world are so nice. They buy you drinks, then you buy them drinks. It's just so "fun!"  It's not even expensive, he says! Hmmm! 

Josh's last day was tough on the kids. They knew the next time he would come over would be for Ezekiel's 2nd birthday party.  He wanted to know if Ezekiel needed anything. He wanted to know if he was interested in anything or had seen anything he wanted--so sad.  He seemed to content, and it made me so sad to see him this he was happy.  Was he happy? 

The day he left Levi rolled over for the first time.  I cried.....he would miss so many things.