Dedication day had arrived--December 2nd. Things went well, and the blessing Josh spoke over Levi brought us all to tears. It was different than any of us had imagined only a month ago.
If fears creep in and I react, it's still bad. Josh felt I just looked for something to be wrong. Why didn't he just leave me at the place where things DID seem all wrong. When he gets mad that I don't believe him, why didn't he realize I didn't believe him?
I wanted him to find God on a whole new level, and I didn't want him making changes just for me.
Changes were gradual, but I thanked God for everyone. Pride was broken down little by little, day by day. When I got discouraged I would remind myself of those little things. God cleansed him as Josh allowed God to come in to every area.
On the same day that he had a breakthrough, though, Satan always turned the heat up on me. I never got his full attention, and it still hurt. He still talked about how hard it was not to call her, and this was after a month. He talked about the good times he had with her, and he never talked about our good times. He spoke with admiration and apreciation for who she was. We didn't go out and have fun as much as I would have hoped, but I just had to take each day. I sometimes wanted to run away. BUT thanking God for what he was doing kept me going.
3 years ago
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