Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Story of Hope and Restoration--Part 41

I tried not to focus on "her," but since we heard from her dad it was hard not to have it send me whirling.  Did he tell her how often he really text me? Was he honest that he had NEVER discussed divorce with ME?  Did he tell her that he was never getting rid of me, ever?  Did she know that he had access to the kids almost anytime he wanted? 

Papa took all of the kids to go get donuts; it was Diego's birthday.  This was the first family function that Josh was not invited, to!  I knew he wasn't happy, but I didn't know if he was mad.  Did he realize how deep the hurt was for people?  We all dealt differently with it, but we ALL hurt. 

Those days made me think and pray him to realize what he was missing.  Did he want to come home but couldn't figure out how or was he still willfully rebellious and not wanting to change at all?  I automatically assumed willful, as he would just get so upset with one more person disapproving of his relationship. He honestly wanted us all to be happy for him. 

People still managed to find ways to let me know that they saw Josh behaving badly.  I never did mention my thoughts to them about WHY they were in the same places, figured God could handle that one.  Apparently Josh made a REAL fool out of himself on his birthday, in fact, people actually got on the phone to call friends to come check out the "pastor!"  He said he didn't care about the shame; it didn't bother him.  Rumors continued to flow.  People calling people to get information. Did Josh leave the church and start his own church?  Did Josh leave his wife because she was horrible?  She was mean, so probably was hard for him.....the lies that flowed from the lips of those who called themselves Christian.  I was broken down more than I could have ever imagined and yet, secure.  God was so good to me.