November 25th, the Lord's Day....I felt so refreshed. God was working in my life, even if I didn't feel it or see it. I have experienced the miracle of ANSWERED PRAYER!!! Thank you, Lord!!
Josh sang a song in church that he had written many years prior. He had asked special permission. To explain what happened during that song would be an understatement. The Holy Spirit was doing a work, for sure. Josh apologized to the congregation for living a lie; it was a step in the journey, that I will never forget. Things still needed to be broken, but we were definitely moving forward. God was definitely breaking Josh in to pieces.
After this service, however, Satan turned the heat up. We fought for like 2 hours; Josh said a lot of hurtful things. He mentioned wishing he had never even come home; how everything was my fault. Maybe I am just too hard to please? The cliche of the "grass is greener on the other side," well, Josh said that was right on!
As I gained control of my feelings, without the overwhelming ups and downs, Josh felt things were going great. If I lost control, well, it was all my fault. If I could keep my attitude in check, then we would get through this just fine. My life felt like such a lie; Josh felt our recovery was based on my not feeling. We had so far to go.
The next day, however, was a pleasant surprise. I saw a glimmer of hope; Josh didn't completely pull away. As I pushed him away, he actually moved closer. It was refreshing. I was scared to death! Was this real?
3 years ago
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