Monday, March 29, 2010

Story of Hope and Restoration--Part 60

Making a decision on what to do for the future started to cause a bit of stress. We had to do something. We needed healing. Should we sell the landscaping business? When we move, should we sell everything? Do we have money to move? Can Josh get work? Agreeing on where to move wasn't really a stress.  God was moving us to Colorado, and we were never more in agreement or at peace. 

My feelings for Josh were still so distant, and we had to do something. For the kid's sake and his own soul, I was so happy. But my heart still hurt so deeply. Josh was often uncaring. He took off early on Fridays to take the other woman to lunch, when he came home....he never gave it a second thought. 

I had my heart ripped out, and the work was landing on me. Pursuing Josh, to keep the relationship alive.  Josh was still talking about how his feelings for me were not the same, and he needed God to help him feel for me?  Wow, well, that was tough.  It didn't bother him that my feelings towards him were not the same. 

If he feels good about himself, then he won't be tempted to cheat again?  Am I unrealistic to want my husband to want me and need me because I am the best, not because of who he was stuck with or that he had no other choice.  I am the right choice, not one he is even extremely happy about. The lies of Satan were still coming.  When I said it was only one week...I guess I was wrong.  Josh did not adore me, and there was a huge part of me that really wanted him to realize that he should at least try for the amount of time he was away?