Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Story of Hope and Restoration--Part 61

Encouraging the children that Daddy wouldn't go anywhere was a daily thing. Yes, they asked every day. My heart would break.  Many times I would stay silent, keeping my feelings to myself.  Josh would get so upset, but I could NOT fight in front of the children. I didn't want them to have fear that daddy would leave again.  Wanting Josh to go the extra mile seemed like it should be realistic, but it was not going to be...for now!

Pleasing my husband seemed like a never ending story.  There wasn't anything special about me; I was supposed to the only one. I wasn't.  Josh's desires were still so perverted, so I could NOT even begin to talk about them.  Wondering if things would ever go to right or if in situations like this you just learn a new normal.  At this point, Josh just wanted to pretend it never happened.  People talking to him about it made him mad. Hugs from friends only irritated.  Apologies seemed empty. 

I prayed that when Josh found his own heart he would care about mine.  Josh spent a lot of time copying what others said, talking about how he didn't have his whole heart.  Logic would drive me crazy. If he gave me his whole heart for the past 8 years, like he said...then how could he NOW say he didn't have his whole heart?  AND if you divide you heart and intentions among things and people....how does it work?  Over the years Josh had done so much, if God wasn't always the center there is no way you can handle it all. 

Lord, help my unbelief, my unbelief that that Josh is not for real.  I feel discouraged and upset because of all the lives affected by this.  Everything is words, and I have to believe my prayers are continuing to work. 

Selling the business became top priority.  Moving was becoming more of a reality, and we couldn't wait to make the next step in our journey together.  Doing it together brought us together. 

Josh and I bought the Wii for our Christmas present; it was a great idea. It helped us laugh together and play together and not focus on negative things. 

Writing a song for Levi's dedication also became one of our main focuses.  Looking for things to do that wouldn't be a constant reminder of the past really helped move us along.


Tamera - aka TJ said...

Oh Yes- I've found that I've had to sacrifice and WORK to find things that Dave and I LIKE to do together to help us grow BACK together. It's amazing though, the creative ideas God has put in my head to help here - trips to circus type events, a trip to the fair, a trip to the park, just the two of us, silly movies to watch together, fun games to play... I'm considering a Wii also to help.
This is good, sweet lady. It's encouraging and amazing how God works to rebuild marriages. So many things to compare to, yet our God does amazing wonders through and in us, when we let Him.